zenprodigy

There is a fine line between forgiving someone for something they did
and its total opposite, which is not forgiving that particular
individual, most often than not for some pretty fucked up things
they’ve said or done. At least, there used to
be. Not anymore, ever since you’ve crossed that invisible yet sacred
line which is now deemed non-existent, rendering that there is no longer a degree of separation between
the two. It is a time when enough is enough, when everything ever said and done over a period of time is weighted and taken into careful consideration, and all of that leading to a simple decision being made, which is to forgive or not to forgive and in this case, not to forgive. You’ve made a bad decision that you would most certainly regret making, and you’ve screwed up so badly that it’ll take you your whole damn life to make
things right.

###

Sure, it’s only human that we mess up every now and then.
Many a times, you utter something insulting under your breath. Many a times, I
let on go like I was a little deaf. You’ve forgotten an important fact, I am
human as well, just like you, just like the others. Running away seemed
like the easy way out. But no, I’m not running away this time. Ineloquence and anger. It fills me up within. No
point wanting to make things right on your behalf simply because you’ve stopped making
any sense at all. You’ve done it once and you’ve done it a thousand times. Those words you’ve said, they reverberate in my head
from time to time, again and again. I’m getting so tired of you being a nuisance which seems rather absurd because it does appear to grant you immense pleasure in a sick and twisted kind of way (yes, there is more than ample prove that something is wrong with that fucked up brain of yours).

###

My soul is aggrieved, both my body and mind are numb. Mark my words, you son of a bitch, I will no longer tolerate your utter nonsense, I’ll snap the moment you piss me off again, and things wouldn’t be pretty.

I’ve been attempting to blog. Like alot. Night and day. Day and night. But somehow, I just seem to get stuck mid-way at all times. For what reason, I am not certain. Seems like a habit nowadays, even when it comes to doing all the other stuff. I start on something and then I get stuck mid-way. And I stop for awhile, at least until when I feel like it, I resume work on what I’ve started earlier on. Not a good thing. Definitely, not a good thing. So, there you go, that’s my reason for not posting any blogs of late and thus, the extended hiatus. =)

###

Speaking of which, this time around, the sales has been totally awesome. Absolutely amazing as far as I’m concerned. Managed to track down a couple of essential items, a pair of vintage denim to compliment my wardrobe, as well as to add to it a touch of class and old school feel, a versatile looking time piece to suit all occasions, be it casual or formal, and a chic looking handbag which re-defines style with a whole new meaning for the girlfriend. All from GUESS. Also got myself a TOPMAN polo top and a G2K shirt. So yeah, I ain’t complaining for the time being. Yayness. =)

###

The one and only complain that I have, is that I’m really bored out of my mind right now. And may I add, I am
absolutely broke too. Mostly broke. But yeah, basically I’m bored
because I’m broke. I’ve traded my last dollar note for a glass of neslo ais tambah manis just the other day at the university cafeteria. For the next couple of months, I would most likely have to survive on pipe water and newspaper for food. So, you must be wondering now why is it that I am telling you all of these, hhmm? *Hint hint* *cough* Someone buy me coffee! *Hint hint* And lunch =P *cough* Got it? Got it? I hope you did because I’m waiting. =P

I asked for a glass of iced coffee. Nothing more, nothing less. But the waitress served me cucumber juice instead, which obviously isn’t anything close to what I had wanted in the first place. And God, it tastes like crap.

My grandmother was admitted to the hospital last week and was placed in the ICU for observation for an entire week. Doctors said she had a lung infection and are suspecting a heart blockage. Her x-rays showed signs of cardiomegaly with some lung expansion. She was discharged yesterday though, but from the looks of it, only time will tell before she crosses over to be with my grandfather. Not being able to stand on her own, what more walk. Not being able to chew on solid food, depending on fluids and medications alone, the end may be impending. She even has respiratory difficulties now that she’s discharged. Right now, I’m just preparing for the worst. Pray with me, will you?

###

In the next couple of days, I would still be visiting my grandmother on a daily basis, probably more often than once a day especially when my uncle returns to Singapore.
He’s a good man. A faithful son and a respectable figure in my life of whom I look up to way back since when I was young. My dad on the contrary is a good son, but as much as I would wish to respect him for being the man he is, it isn’t as simple as it seems. No point elaborating further because no one would understand anyways. I know what I know and no matter how hard I try to explain things, none of what I want to convey would get through to anyone. So yeah, I’ll just stick with that for the time-being. 

###

On the other hand, the exam was alright, it went fine considering the fact that I’d only managed to
finish off 75% of what I was suppose to cover in such a short period of
time while under these unforeseen circumstances. Embryogenesis, fetal development, pelvic structure and fetal skull and all of the following lecture notes after that, I did not touch at all. Shall blog more about
that in the next post to come. By the way, I’m thinking of moving to Blogspot. I’ll post the link up here soon, so do pay a visit once in awhile.

###

Sigh. All the commotion and worrying, it did take its’ toll on me both
physically and mentally especially since it was before the reproductive
system exam, even now that the exam is over, it still does bother me to
a certain extend if not more. And there’s also my mom to worry about, though I won’t say why. I’m worn out. Really really worn out. Inside out. Outside in. Difficult times like these really make you question who your true friends are. It’s certainly nice to have someone notice that something is wrong and ask about it. Thanks, Rose. Many thanks to you, Elaine for praying with me and showing that you care, and thank you Sue, for lending a ear. You both helped alot. And to you, the son of a bitch who still thinks that the world revolves around you, shut the fuck up already and burn in hell for all I care. You could seriously do the world a favour and make it a better place, simply by nullifying your existence, just perish.

PS: Preferably vanish in thin air. Save the trees. You don’t need a coffin.

"The most depressed individuals are, more often than not, the ones who try to make others laugh. At their expense or not, I can’t really decide. But I do know that they do that in order to get themselves infected with laughter. If not, their humour wouldn’t be as wry, quick-witted or insanely weird."

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"Laugh if you must. The last thing I need now is not being able to."

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On the brighter side of things, today is the 21st birthday of a dear friend of mine, Selvakumaran. We’ve been friends for nearly 12 years. Happy 21st birthday, chap. Cheers and let the good times roll. Do what you do best, party on. =)

My considerably short pseudo-holidays ended quite abruptly and life
resumes as it is, no more less than lightning pace with barely any
break time in between to even catch a breather; with the usual 2 hour a
day lectures (which seems like an eternity), vexatious PBL’s, piling
reports, ever-demanding CSU sessions, and not to miss out, the non-stop
elevating stress levels of which I utterly dread looking forward to. I
guess it’s pretty much high time to work my ass off yet again, hitting
the books, enduring late nights burning the midnight oil with little or no rest
at all, over-dosing on caffeine and my personal favourite, catching
forty winks during repro lectures. Farewell precious holidays and good
night sleeps, welcome to living a life in a modern day hell where
lecturers are portrayed as demons conveying medical jargons through
lectures, as a form of auditory torture for the sins that I have yet to
commit. Pure madness. Still, I am available for yum cha-ing outings
along with the occasional lunches, as well as a few sessions of window
shopping. Simply beep me. Grocery shopping included. I know someone is
very happy to hear that.

###

I find that when I write, I make more sense than when I speak, not
that my writings are of any good as compared to the millions of
brilliant minds out there. I suppose it’s best to assume that I express
myself better in written words as to when I actually speak, or so I’m
told. When it comes to opening my mouth, I particularly tend to
complicate uncomplicated things like say, choosing the wrong words to
use and probably end up screwing up something when there can be
absolutely no way of screwing things up. My life is somehow closely
associated with making a mess made out of nothing. But, it isn’t
entirely my fault. Occasionally, or should I say, there’s always a time
when an unsettling presence out there with it’s sole purpose of
existence simply to disrupt everything in my way, comes my way. It is
plain annoying and it drives me insane, to the point where there’s no
telling as to what I am capable of doing. Murder? Nah, I’m not Jack the
Ripper, I don’t go around butchering people and ripping out their
intestines or hearts while mutilating the bodies with a surgical knife
just to feed my addiction for blood and gore. Let’s just say that if I
don’t bother to control myself, I’d kick that sorry son of a bitch in
the gonads real hard without any holding back or whatsoever.

###

I respect people for who they are and I expect people to
respect me in return. Life is mostly about giving and taking. You can
take whatever you want from me, but hey at least, show me some respect
the way I respect you even if everybody else thinks you’re a lowland
piece of shit craving for attention to satisfy your gargantuan ego, for
I am not a mat on the floor for you to step on. If you consider
yourself a level above the rest, royalty perhaps, go ahead and be my
guest, it’s your life and it’s none of my concern, just don’t go around
stepping on my tail and pissing me off. Seriously, go bugger a dog or
two for the good of all humanity. Simply because I appear nice and all
doesn’t mean that I’m a nice person. In fact, I’m not even nice to
begin with. Just so you know, don’t fucking mess with me but in case
you do, do watch your tail, I bite.

###

What goes around comes around, just you wait. Ciaoz.

The past week was pretty eventful I’d say. First up, the good and pleasant news; The Red Devils triumph over The Blues to claim the Barclay’s English Premier League title for the 16th time this season, many many thanks to The Gunners who did us a huge favour by holding out Chelsea to a 1-1 draw at the Emirates stadium, courtesy of a Gilberto Silva penalty conversion, putting an end to Chelsea’s 2 year tenure at the top of the Premiership table. They deserve not to win once in awhile lah, you can’t expect them to entirely dominate English football and lift every single trophy there is right, no? Moving on to the not so good news; Poor Charlton was condemned to relegation last night by Tottenham strikers Dimitar Berbatov and Jermaine Defoe after 7 years in the top flight. To be honest, I kinda wanted Charlton to remain in the Premiership. With the likes of Darren Bent and Luke Young, I really do think they should have made the cut, but too bad life isn’t always fair, after all isn’t the Premiership all about the survival of the fittest (or the richest in Chelsea’s case)? Speaking of stuff other than football, a dear friend of mine got into a little accident in front of my house on the night Manchester United lifted the Premiership trophy. Regarding what happened, I have absolutely no words or rather I choose to not say anything, except the fact that it literally scared the living daylights out of me because I was inches away from where it happened.

Anyways, almost everyone whom I know of is in the holiday mood of late. Some of them have three months (lucky buggers), some of them, two months and the not so fortunate ones probably have maybe one or two weeks of holidays left? I have approximately 120 hours of holiday-ing left. Make that 119 hours. All the laughs are on me. Just when repro classes are about to start, my computer is beginning to go bonkers. I can’t use my Internet Explorer to log on into Hotmail, Yahoo, or even Gmail! Bloody hell. And to make matters worse my MSN is not working as well. KNNCCB X 100. I am therefore cut off from the world of instant-messaging until this problem resolves on its own, which would probably never happen unless I reformat the computer. All these computer problems that I have to deal with will only hasten any action of mine involving me getting a laptop, which I would very much like to delay first, until I am a 100% sure that I’ve made the right choice in selecting a laptop. That’s that.

Next up, ah yes, the Champions League…

I instantly knew at the back of my head that AC Milan was going to thrash Man Utd at the San Siro the moment reports stated that Gattuso (The Mafia of all Mafia’s) was fit for the 2nd leg of the semi-final match. How can any human go against a shit-ass-scary-monster like him? It is not possible I reckon, unless perhaps if you have another shit-ass-scary-monster in the form of a 28 year old Roy Keane at your disposal. Truth to be told, AC Milan deserved to win the match, they managed to dictate the pace of the game and Man Utd was nowhere close to scoring. With Kaka, a prominent figure in Milan’s attacking line up, coupled with some poor defending by the Man Utd lads, it was clear that AC Milan was going to cruise their way to the finals in Athens, where they would outplay Liverpool in all departments and go on to win the Champions League. Heh. Sorry lah, Liverpool fans. =P

Okay, I guess I’ve said enough. Adios and enjoy your day! =)    

I despise people who insult and look down on others in vilification without reflecting on their own faults and flaws. They think they’re cool. They think they’re king of the world. They think they’re so much better than the rest. And what is worse, they even dare think they’re God! Seriously, shut the fuck up! Every once in awhile, I come across this kind of no shame self-proclaimed hot shots. It’s fucking annoying and it pisses me off at all times, they have no right thinking so lowly of other individuals. I’m not noble, and I certainly am not better than anyone else, I’m simply stating the obvious as well as to voice out my dissatisfaction for such self-aggrandizing imbeciles.

We all have to take the shit that life has to throw at us, some take it easy, and some don’t. However, it doesn’t mean that the ones who take it easy should step on the heads of those who don’t. It’s not fair to those who don’t get to indulge in the joys of life. I’ve always believed that strong ones exist to help the weak. That’s how I see it, that’s the way it should be. People who think they’re smarter and much more better off than the rest should not feel superior and pick on the less fortunate ones, what more insult them. Calling someone stupid, useless, dumb or anything along that line just because they’re not doing well in whatever they do is totally unacceptable and uncalled for. It disgusts me. It’s plain wrong. Stigmatized individuals, social misfits, the ones who always ends up taking the last place in class, the not-so-well-off lower-class, less fortunate ones with inborn deformities, they too deserve some degree of respect, they too deserve some dignity of their own. No one should undermine their value to the society in any way.

If you think you’re so fucking great, prove it. Prove it by helping others who are less equipped with the tools to embark on the tough journey of life and not be so full of yourself while poking fun at others for their shortcomings. How would you feel if you were in their shoes, the ones whom you’ve initially poke fun at? In this world, they are 3 types of people, people who are great and know that they are great but still have respect for others, people who are not great but think that they are the greatest by undermining the rest of the world revolving around them, and finally the third type, people who would admit that they’re not great but at least they try to be someone, or something without forgetting who they really are and where they come from. Ask yourself this, which type are you?

I’m not against people who blow their own horns just because they think that they’re somewhat distinctively influential figures in their own universe when clearly in reality, they’re not. Being arrogant with an excuse to do so, along with prove of some measure of greatness achieved in an appropriately stipulated period of time to go with it is one thing, but being boastful with little accomplishments (in a relatively short period of time) or none at all is another, and it doesn’t earn that particular person any bragging rights as opposed to someone who has actually done something significant. I dislike the latter because when their world comes crumbling down on them, they blame everyone else except themselves, expecting others to be at their feet to offer sympathy and to come to their aid after all that they’ve said and done.

If you command respect from your peers, you should first learn to earn their respect. Never take things in life for granted, your family, your friends, and your loved ones. Taking advantage and making use of other people to attain your goals in life is distasteful and utterly repugnant. Doing something like that would only damage your reputation for good in addition to discarding whatever credibilility you have left. No one would want to do your bidding. No one would want to trust you. And no one would wish to be around you, what more be your friend. In the end, you’ll be alone in your own world and all you can do is to blame yourself.

My zara sweater… it’s gone! =(

The Prestige was totally awesome. And so was Blood Diamond. Hugh Jackman and Leonardo Dicaprio were absolutely brilliant in playing their respective roles; they both make superlative first class actors. Movies like that, they get you thinking, like what’s the point of taking revenge on someone because of something they did, that has happened when there’s no turning back just for the cycle to repeat itself and cause more pain and misery when one could have easily attained peace of mind and moved on in life through forgiveness of ones sins, and how diamonds are in a way beautiful in the eyes of men but at the same time harbours in it the evil of men. *hint hint to the ladies =P* For the past 4 days, the living room became my bedroom. Yeah, kind of, basically the main reason being I prefer sleeping under a ceiling fan. I have bed bug bites all over me because my bed had bed bugs. Heh. I must say that this time around, KKB was fun; I had a merry good time, which was much better than expected. Perhaps with the right mix of company and improved state of accommodation, everything seemed to fall into place quite nicely, well, except the part where I was being fooled countless of times by lame-ass word games. Sad to say, I missed a once in a lifetime opportunity to witness Man Utd slaughter and trounce Roma 7-1 in an 8 goal blitz Champions League semi-final match at Old Trafford. Man Utd’s performance was beyond God-like, their best I’d say. All you Arsenal, Chelsea, and Liverpool fans out there, be very afraid, there is certainly more to come. Roma’s trashing at Old Trafford is only the tip of the ice-berg. Heh.

Endo was alright, pretty okay I’d put it. The questions were redundant but nonetheless fairly do-able. The only complain I had was that the time given to us, an hour to answer 9 SAQs and 10 MCQs isn’t exactly sufficient to begin with, what more to check if there are any blank spaces left. Looking forward to Repro though, it’ll be a challenge, something different, alot more to learn which makes it more stressful, hopefully it’s not too bad. I’ll fret about that later, but for now, I shall live my life to the fullest be it shopping or going to the movies or simple yum-cha-ing sessions, I’ll make the most of it. Next week, I’ll be doing my GP posting at a clinic in Kuchai Lama, thank God I found a partner, wouldn’t want to be alone at a family health clinic with 2 doctors looking over my shoulders for an entire week, you know. I just hope I don’t screw up and hurt any patients; it isn’t easy being a medical student when any mistake you make might be your last.

Sigh. I feel a great sense of relief by making it this far in life, you know, living till 20 (think of the young ones dying in war-torn countries), making it to university (some don’t even get an education to start with), being able to do what I like, and as far as things go, I think I’m doing pretty fine, or so I’m told. I thank my lucky stars that everything has gone my way the way I wanted them to, although there may have been a couple of road bumps down the years that I had to deal with, but other than that I’m thankful of what I have. Oh how much things have changed when I was just a kid dreaming of inventing the world’s first flying car, or building the tallest building ever, I even dreamt of emulating Bill Gates. Studying medicine was never my ultimate dream; it was an option but not my first. Heh. There’s still a long way to go before I become the person I aspire to be. At least now, before I shut my eyes and go to bed every night, I know that I have made some difference; no matter how little it might have been, in my life and the life of others. Good night peeps. Sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite! =)